1 Thought
I spoke at an event recently where an audience member asked me a question that I had never been asked before. He asked, “How did your focus and ability to compete change after having a miscarriage at 18 weeks?” For those of you that know my story, overcoming adversity after miscarriage became a defining chapter in my life.
In 2010, following the Vancouver, Canada Olympic Games, I retired from the sport of skeleton. Having finished in fourth place, just .10 outside of an Olympic medal, I knew it was time to move to a different chapter in my life. I wanted to focus on my family and various goals that I still had.
Our oldest, Lacee, was born in 2008. Competing would require me to leave Lacee and Janson for months at a time as I tried to fulfill this Olympic dream heading into 2010. I was miserable. I missed Lacee’s first steps, her first words, and her first birthday. My life was completely out of balance and I was flat out miserable.
After I retired from World Cup competition, we welcomed a baby boy into our family in 2011. Traycen brought us so much joy and happiness and we knew we wanted to have another child.
In the spring of 2012, I was pregnant with a little girl. We were picking out names and preparing a room for this new little baby that would soon be joining our family.
On April 7, 2012, at 18 weeks pregnant, I began losing blood so rapidly that I was rushed to the emergency room and told that we had lost our little girl. Her heart stopped beating and no one knew why.
My heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces.
This trial in my life was absolutely devastating. It was a sadness that I had never experienced before, and it took me down the path of depression.
“What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I save her and provide for her?”
The pain was constant and deep.
Two months of sadness later, Janson asked me a question, “Would you consider going back to compete towards the Olympics in 2014?” This marked a major step in overcoming adversity after my miscarriage.
He knew that I needed something to look forward to and he knew that I never wanted to leave my family again, so he quickly followed up by saying, “But this time we would go as a family. We would be right by your side.”
This sparked a new hope within me. It actually put butterflies in my stomach and made me see past the darkness.
That miscarriage, that massive trial in my life, ultimately drove me to come out of retirement in 2012 and compete in Sochi Russia in 2014 where we won the silver medal.
The audience member listened patiently for my response.
I thought to myself, ‘How did my focus and ability to compete change after having a miscarriage at 18 weeks’?
As I stood there on that stage, deliberately thinking how that moment in my life changed my ability to compete, the words began to come out of my mouth, like syrup from a plastic squeeze bottle. It was fascinating to have my eyes opened to this experience and recognize that this challenge actually allowed me, or possibly even required me, to learn how to let go of things outside of my control.
I wanted so desperately to control that pregnancy and that outcome. I desperately wanted that baby girl in my arms. But in the end, all of my worry and care and heartache and sadness didn’t change the outcome. It was outside of my control.
Previous to this miscarriage, I was in charge of my schedule, my time, my equipment, and so focused on a result, a podium, an outcome that the experience was always about me.
Following the miscarriage, I relied more heavily on those around me. I realized that I couldn’t control the weather, the timing, the reactions of others or the environmental factors around me. The only thing I could control was the process and the effort that I was putting in each day. I could control my reactions, my emotions, and my hope and belief for the future.
Following the miscarriage , I learned how to hope for a better future and show gratitude each day for the blessings that I have been given.
As that man sat in the audience, listening to my response, both of our eyes began to feel with tears. I could sense that he had been through challenges and trials as well and was looking for hope and understanding.
Until he asked me that question, I didn’t realize that having a miscarriage completely changed my focus.
That experience was a pivotal moment in time where my Olympic Journey shifted from an “I” mentality to a “we” mentality… and having that mentality changed everything. My journey toward overcoming adversity after my miscarriage strengthened me forever with these valuable lessons about gratitude, hope, and focus.
1 QUOTE
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it, the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” -Napoleon Hill
1 QUESTION
Think of a challenge you’ve faced in your life.
How did your focus change following this challenge, and is there more you can learn from it?